Today, I am trying to be thankful.  As much as I have been blessed, it seems like it should be second nature...well, I guess it is second to my natural tendency to criticize and complain.  Anyhow, here goes...

I am thankful that Nathanael is finally asleep for his nap.

I am thankful that the large jar of natural peanut butter I opened up today was easy to stir (since I generally hate stirring peanut butter).

I am thankful that my large hall closet that serves as my pantry is now organized, thanks to my wonderfully helpful sister.

I am thankful that Elijah is getting better at entertaining himself...today he lay awake in his cradle, content, for 45 minutes while I read to the other kids and folded laundry...thanks to some help from Caedmon in keeping the wind-up bunny's music playing.

I am thankful that even though the store I went grocery shopping at today did not have the organic produce items I would have preferred (which bothered me at first), my family and I will be just fine eating an occasional conventionally-grown tomato.

I am thankful that the laundry is all done and folded.

I am thankful that homeschooling is flexible...that in the weeks after having a baby, I don't have to worry about having Caedmon up, dressed, fed and off to school at some ridiculous hour.

I am thankful that God doesn't expect me to be perfect.

I am thankful for my husband...just because he's wonderful.

I am thankful for good health...we haven't had anything worse than sniffles since, like, October.

I am thankful for crossword puzzles...relaxing and enjoyable (for me), and I can start and stop anytime.  Plus, it helps sharpen my otherwise fairly dull mental abilities.

I am thankful for the baby swing, which sometimes calms Elijah down when nothing else will.

...see?  I said I was blessed and I really do have so much to be thankful for.

This week has been kind of rough so far.  Yesterday, I was exhausted due to lack of sleep, the dog ripped up a dirty diaper on my bed while I was grocery shopping, I had an upset stomach, children did not nap...and disobeyed the entire time they were supposed to be napping, and I'm sure other stuff I can't remember.  Today, I have been up for good since around 6am...though I tried napping after my shower, cause Elijah was sleeping then and I thought the other kids could maybe play quietly for a half hour...instead, there was screaming, crying, jumping off of beds, and throwing of toys.  Bethany spilled all of her milk before lunch was even on the table...all over the table, her (upholstered) chair, the piano, and much of the floor.  My back hurts a lot, I have a to-do list a mile long and little motivation.  Thankfully, Holly is still handling most of the cleaning, so I don't have that to worry about, too.  Elijah has actually been napping for almost three hours, which is good and bad, since I don't want him awake a lot tonight, so I will probably be waking him up soon.  I guess writing it out on here, it doesn't sound so bad...I just wish there were more good things to put the difficult things in perspective.  I just feel like everything in life lately takes so much effort...nothing comes easily, nothing works like it is supposed to work the first time, and fairness/justice seems to be a foreign concept to most people involved in customer service-type jobs.  I wish there was more common sense in the world.  I wish that laws were designed to make life easier and better, rather than to line the pockets of attorneys and governments.  I wish that online shopping was reserved for items that you would not typically find in a store, because now stores are no longer stocking things because too many people are just shopping online...and I just can't see why people would want to shop for nursing bras online.  Ugh.  I'm tired of this season....aren't they supposed to have an end?

We still want to sell our house.  We still want to move.  Unfortunately, we need a source of income if we move (a pesky little problem...) and home prices seem to still be down in the dumps.  Nevertheless, we are going to have a realtor come give us his assessment tomorrow (selling 'by owner' has gotten us nowhere).  If we can sell the house, for a reasonable amount, we would have money enough to move and live for a while during which time a source of income should be able to (somehow) be found.  We think this is what is best for our family, but we have been plagued by doubts, mostly because nothing seems to be working out how we would want.  Is it God, wanting us to just trust that He can provide, even when circumstances seem less than favorable?  Or is He trying to close that door and make us look for a new direction?  I am confident that if we move forward, since we honestly think that it is best...and since we have been given no other direction, that even if we are wrong, God will sustain us and, eventually, give us some guidance.  I just don't want to be wrong.  I don't want the stress of moving and finding out that it won't work.  I don't want our kids to face upheaval more than once.  I want to feel like we can think about "down the road", and not just the near future.