Sometimes - okay, a lot of times - I just wonder "why?". On Monday, we were contacted by someone wanting to see the house. We have sort of been back and forth about putting effort into selling it now, but we figured a showing couldn't hurt, so we scheduled to show the house at 5:30 on Thursday (today). The problem was that the house was not exactly spic and span, given my exhaustion and nausea of late, so we needed to get things done on Tuesday, Wednesday and this morning, despite my disposition. Tuesday, I was fairly productive, though much was still left to be done. Tim spent most of his free time Tuesday cleaning up in the basement, as it had gotten wet over the weekend and he had started the clean-up, but not completed it. Yesterday (Wednesday), I got my normally scheduled Wednesday chores done in the morning, but got a pounding headache after lunch and couldn't move, except to race to the bathroom, since my stomach decided nothing was staying down once 2pm came...nothing for the rest of the day. This made any more productivity on my part pretty much impossible. Tim managed to prepare dinner before rushing off to t-ball practice with Caedmon, then did the dishes for me after the kids were in bed. I went to bed with my head still pounding, wondering how in the world I would accomplish my rather long to-do list for today. I woke up, or rather, was awakened at 6am by Nathanael who refused to go back to sleep, and proceeded to throw-up a few times before I finally did convince him to sleep at 7:30 (he had been nodding off intermittently the whole time). Since I was up, I got laundry folded and put away and some other odds and ends done; myself, Caedmon and Bethany bathed and headed downstairs for breakfast. Nathanael woke up again around 9:30, seeming to be feeling better, and I still had some semblance of energy and no real nausea or headache issues to speak of. I managed to pick up the downstairs, vacuum and mop by the time 11am rolled around. I bathed Nathanael and decided to go to Subway for lunch, so as to avoid lunch messes. I was feeling like God was having mercy on me. Like maybe He was working things out for this showing to be successful. Then I got home to a blinking answering machine. The person who was scheduled to look at the house called to cancel. Of course. Why would I expect anything different? I don't know...but I did. I get angry with myself for hoping. Some might say my hope was misplaced, but honestly, it's hard to find anything to be hopeful about these days, so I figured maybe God was giving us a break, and I hoped....again. And I got disappointed...again. I know that this scenario isn't all bad. I mean, at least I have a clean house now. That is a relief. I'm happy that my kitchen floor, which hasn't been scrubbed in probably a month or more, has now been attended to. Clutter has been organized and junk has been purged. But was that the only reason for this? If so, I kind of wish I'd been given the motivation of having family come visit, instead....at least it would have spared me the disappointment. I'm tired of being in limbo here. I hope someday this all makes sense.
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